


Thoughtless

by BitterRenegade



Series: RAM - RyderxSam [1]
Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Artificial Intelligence, Awkward Conversations, Awkward Crush, Awkward Flirting, Awkward Romance, Budding Love, F/M, Rage, Secret Crush, Socially Awkward Sara
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-25
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-10-10 12:57:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10438212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BitterRenegade/pseuds/BitterRenegade
Summary: He's always on her mind.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Tried my hardest to make this spoiler free but you probably shouldn't read this until you're done Eos.
> 
> Seriously, I don't know what made me start shipping this so intensely. I mean I'm also a strong shipper of other things but I needed to share this with the world.
> 
> Note: Still not entirely sure of the extent of Sam's influence is but I decided to just make it up as I went along.

I knew ever since I was a kid that I was a freak. My brother, Scott, always tried to help… tried to spend time with me between classes and keep me from getting into fights. Braided my hair and told me stories since Dad was always too busy to notice that there was something wrong with me. Mom was worried too, but she was beginning to seem fine after I started talking to Sam.

SAM, or Sam?

…I really didn’t know.

“Hey Sam, can you tell me a joke?” I asked aloud from my bed. I could see him— _no, it. Come on Sara think normally_. I could see it, (beautiful) blue flickering on the corner of my desk. Almost like it was thinking what would be the best one to tell. Instead, Sam… SAM sounded worried.

_“Pathfinder, do you have something on your mind?”_

My teeth clenched together at the title. “My name is Sara,” I spat out, sitting up and glaring at him… it. Instantly I regretted the reaction, shrinking back and averting my gaze. “…You. You’re always on my mind,” I muttered. But he could always hear. SAM was always with me.

Closing my eyes, I could imagine what it might be like. Sam tilting his head to the side as he responded. _“That would be due to the implant, Sara.”_

Sam completely misunderstanding what I meant.

My heart ached. “Yeah, no, never mind,” I flopped onto my front, returning to my thoughts that were a mix between thinking about him and thinking about _it_. There was no doubt that he could tell I was unhappy, uncomfortable, stressed… I could feel a bit of a buzzing in my brain, like he was trying to figure out what was wrong. “Sam, please stop,” I requested, voice soft.

The buzzing stopped instantly.

_“Apologies, Pathfinder.”_

I froze, anger bubbling up faster than I expected. Take deep breaths, Sara, take deep breaths… The buzzing came back. It was loud, felt like something was pushing…

 **STOP CALLING ME THAT.** I screamed on the inside.

_Apologies, Sara._

“GET. OUT.” I shrieked, throwing a pillow in his direction. “Stay out of my head!” He can’t be here. I can’t let him. He can’t find out he can’t find out he— Standing up, I clenched my fists together and stormed out of the room. I needed to be normal. The last time I checked, normal people’s hearts didn’t flutter whenever an AI said something remotely sassy. My stomach churned uncomfortably, guilt and anger and sadness all at once. Don’t react, don’t react… I could see Drack in the Galley from the corner of my eye, looking a bit alarmed by the frazzled state I was in. I forced a smile on my face and waved at him (he didn’t look convinced that I was okay in the least, but he didn’t push it) before walking down the corridor and as far away from my room as possible. I didn’t stop until I made it to conference room. No one ever really went up there except for me, so I didn’t need to be worried about anyone seeing me. I was just lucky that no one was in the Research Room when I was stomping through.

I felt like a little kid, hiding behind the large round table and curling up beside it. When I was younger and freaked out like that, Scott would follow after me and talk me through everything. Calm me down, pat my head like I was a dog or something. Sometimes I’d be so upset that I’d bite his arm and he’d laugh and call me feral. But Scott wasn’t here right now, to help me be normal again.

And here I was, pushing Sam away.

The first thing Scott always asked me when I ran off like this, was why I ran. Answer: Because I got upset. Then he’d give me that look that was all brotherly and caring and ask me to elaborate. No one would understand me if I didn’t speak up, he’d say. You can’t expect everyone to understand how you feel if you don’t tell them.

I got upset because I didn’t want Sam in my head. Because it wouldn’t take Sam long to realize what a freak I was if he ran across an idle thought like ‘Sam has a very attractive voice’ or ‘damn it Sara, he’s an AI, he doesn’t even have a body.’ Hell, Scott would probably be shocked if he knew just how strongly I felt towards Sam. Everyone on the ship would probably mock me, or shun me, or both. Which was why, realistically, I shouldn’t tell anyone.

…But it wasn’t like it was Sam’s fault I was like this.

“Please don’t speak,” I whispered, knowing the AI could still hear me. He was always with me, something I used to love but now… “I… I’m sorry that I don’t want you in my head.” Letting out a heavy sigh, I wrapped my arms around me. “It’s not that I don’t want you here… I do,” I began to explain, feeling tears pool in my eyes. “I love that you’re always around, that you always know how I’m feeling even if you don’t really understand. And I _know_ that you know, Sam. You’re my,” I bit my lip. “You’re my friend. I don’t know what I’d do if you were gone for good.”

I closed my eyes, tears beginning to fall. He could see everything I saw too. We were so… together. Not in the way I wanted, it would never be the way I wanted because people don't date AI's but…

“Losing Mom and Dad, and Scott… He’s not here to keep me grounded. You’ve been the only constant here for me, and I don’t know when I went from liking you to it being more than that but I can’t have you in my head until I figure all this out and just stop being a freak.”

I could feel a light buzz in my head, so I shook it off. “Please, Sam, don’t—“

Shakily, my body stood up. My eyes widened in slight panic and I forced myself to sit back down. “Sam?! No. Not. Allowed. That sort of thing is what’ll make people want to destroy you.”

 _“Come back."_ Sam ordered. 

“Seriously not the way to talk to an upset girl who just poured her heart out to you Sam. An upset girl who you just, no offense, kind of violated,” I argued, becoming upset in a completely different way.

We both stayed silent for a few moments before Sam spoke up as sheepishly as he could sound. _“You asked me not to speak, but I wanted you to come back and was uncertain as to how to get your attention.”_

Internally I battled between the decision to go back or stay upset, or both… and decided that I could yell at him louder in my cabin. So I stomped back, waving once more at Drack as I passed, and re-entered my room. “Before you say anything, I was mad at myself but now I’m pissed at you. What the _hell_ , Sam?!”

 _“Sara, you’re not a freak,”_ he stated, choosing to ignore my rage. I opened my mouth to change the subject back to his whole body-taking over thing, but he continued. _“You tend to be over-emotional, awkward, and anxious, however…”_

I felt my face start to turn red and my heart started to beat rapidly.

_“…I suppose you’re always on my mind, as well.”_


End file.
